There are some artists who are truly creators. They have a vision for what they want to do, they are guided by a need to create and forge their own way and they are what you call pioneers in this industry.
I am an actress, dancer, singer, artist. But I am not a Pioneer.
I have never had a desire to forge my own path and create my own content. I have created some (songwriting, arguably this blog, etc) but most of the content I create is layered with self doubt or I just did it because someone said I should. Anytime I have ever tried to create my own content, the heart of it was to simply to get work. Or get attention to then hopefully get work. I could honestly say I am writing this blog as a creative outlet, but I could stop it at any moment, and happily. I do not want to create my own content, web series, YouTube Channel, segments or write scripts for myself. I just don't.
The honest truth? I would love to be someone's Muse.
Sounds old fashioned, I know. But, news flash, I am old fashioned. This is just what I have always envisioned for myself. I want to be guided, written for, cast, and created for. I am honestly a writer's dream. I want to do what they have written and create what they have created. I seriously have very little desire to create something on my own from scratch. I will give my input, if asked, but I want someone to bring an already fleshed out ideas to me and say "Can you portray this role, or song, or dance?"
Does it sound weird for an artist to say this, or dare I say, lazy? When all these people are creating their own content all the time? No, and trust me, I'm not lazy. I'm respectful. I have massive amounts of respect for those who do create and do it well. I know there are artists out there who are meant to create. Who have vision. Who are incredible writers, choreographers, directors, designers, composers. I would be insulting them if I tried to step into their roles. That's how I view it. I do not want their job, nor am I good at their job.
And for me, to create would be a job. It would be work. I would not be in a "creative flow" or get a "high". I honestly feel like I would be tortured. Now maybe if I was collaborating with a certain artist, that may be different, but I have never created with anyone who has made me feel that way, yet. So there is hope? I could evolve.
I was asked to choreograph a show once, I accepted it to challenge myself and then I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to back out. I have never had a desire to create dances or pictures on stage or otherwise. Yes, I have been dancing since I was 2, I love dancing more than anything, but choreograph? Not interested at all. Not every dancer wants to choreograph. It's a simple fact. And, I am one of those dancers. But to have an artist create something on me, use me, teach or create steps using me as their muse? Heaven! I will be in the studio with you all day long! But don't ask me to come up with something on my own. Sure, I might have a stroke of genius, but it would be rare.
I'm sure you get the point by now.
This is why I believe I would've thrived in The Golden Age of Hollywood. The infamous studio system would've been awesome to be a part of! Everything was done for you. I know, it is so very sexist of me to say, but I want someone to put me on contract, dye my hair, give me a persona and even a fake name. I would've loved that! Mold me into a movie star. Tell me what to do and where to go. Let me just do the craft of singing, dancing and acting. That has always been my dream.
But.....I don't live in that time. I live in an era where I am prompted to create my own content. Where it is necessary to create your own content, YouTube Channel, Instagram Videos, etc. So I will try, but don't judge me. I'm not meant for this era. It's something I have been told my whole life.
Until I can travel back in time, I will continue to carve out my artistry in this media heavy world.
The first order of business as an actress or an artist of any kind is to dream.
These are confessions of my life as an actress working on Broadway, TV and Film for 20 years
Copyright 2017 M Patterson