The rush of excitement and adrenaline you feel when you get "the call" that you booked the role is intoxicating! The passion and love for what you do, or now have been cast to do, is like no other. You cheer, cry, collapse, call everyone you know, status update, tweet, snap chat, story and go nuts on every social media site you have! Right?
Or or at least this is what "the little kid" in you wants so desperately to do. Let your love and passion loose and shout your excitement from the rooftops!
But you are stifled, you are silenced, you feel the implications of being so celebratory right? You don't want to seem so full of yourself, conceited, or brag? You have to be humble always, think of others first, and step back a little.
The honest truth? Because of other people's envy and jealousy of you and your success. They can be your closest of colleagues, true friends, even family. They can be there for you as you cry on their shoulder about your lack of work, not booking, auditions sucking, being poor, etc. But when the tables turn and you book a lead in a Broadway show or become a series regular on a new show, have dinner with Julie Andrews or get a award nomination? Suddenly these same people can seemingly be smiling but behind their eyes have a twinge of bad and jealous energy. And then they position themselves to see what they can get out of knowing you.
Now of course this isn't everyone, but you know who it is in your life. Think about it. I'm sure a few faces and names come up in your mind. Of course it is not your concern how they react or don't react towards your success. That's on them. What others think of you is none of your business right? But listen, let me save you some valuable time. The more successful you become the more you will begin to feel the hateful and jealous eyes of others begin to surround you and people positioning themselves to be your friend.
This is hard to say, but it's the truth.
So, what do you do? Most just play the game and douse their excitement. They stop talking about what they are doing. They become calculated and stop having that public childlike excitement when they book a role or have an awesome meeting, or get a nomination or award. They begin to protect that information and protect their excitement and passion. It's not like they don't have it (let's hope they still do) but they save it for those who share the excitement with them.
They protect their environment, and the people they surround themselves with.
They raise their standards and protect it
Let me ask you, are there people in your life who support you when you are down and not up? Are there people who are more friendly when you are successful as opposed to not? Who love to complain and bitch about how hard life is all the time? People who openly judge others who are successfully doing what they want to be doing? They are doing this to you when you are not around. This is a huge realization. Who are these people in your life. This should make you uncomfortable to figure out. Go through that uncomfortableness and dive deep into it. You need to "exfoliate" these energies out of your life as soon as you are done reading this blog.
Why? I am speaking from personal experience.
I sadly was married to a husband and fellow actor who was extremely jealous and envious of my success, opportunities, and relationships within the entertainment business. Quite frankly he was jealous of anyone who got "his part" or was doing what he wanted to be doing. His pouty and negative "victim" energy was so draining to be around. This indirectly doused my passion. When something awesome happened to me, I felt I couldn't express it fully, because I had to be empathetic to his failing career. And to make him feel better about himself, I would energetically hide my excitement, and focus on how to help him succeed. A lot of his opportunities came from me calling in favors, asking for him to get an audition, introducing him to agents and casting. I was happy to do it because I believe its good to give, but its not good to give to a person who only takes. It was exhausting. And once he took all that he needed from me, he withdrew and left. But I'm thankful. We were not a good match and sadly after years of this kind of treatment, I realized he was holding me back in my life. He was holding me back from evolving in my career but also mentally and spiritually. And after we divorced, I realized just how much.
I also had friends and colleagues (just a few negative Nelly's who I have since ceased to know) who would make side comments and jokes about my success. They would be "shocked that I got that part" and say things that made me cock my head to the side. Back handed compliments and comments concealed as jokes. It would be small, but enough to make me wonder what they meant? I call these comments the "things that make you go hmmm?" And when it came down to it, they definitely meant what they said. And now, anytime anyone makes me go "hmmm", more than once, they are out of my life.
Now letting these ex husbands and ex friends go, completely out of my life, I don't consider harsh treatment. I don't consider myself quick to judge. I find that I have a very good intuition about people and how I'm being treated energetically and verbally.... and a very low tolerance for bullshit and bad energy.
My advice from my experience? Listen to your intuition about people. Trust it above all.
Now, in my life, when something awesome happens, I book a big role or get a new job or have someone praise me. I don't douse the little girl in me with big dreams. She comes roaring out and giggles, laughs, jumps up and down and cries with excitement! She is let loose and she is supported in her excitement. And when my friends have the same happen to them, I jump up and down with excitement and support for them! Its a circle of giving, not just taking as it was in the past.
Not everyone is kind, awesome, authentic and lovely. And not everyone is your friend. No matter how nice you are to them. Please learn this lesson. I have now consciously chosen to surround myself with the best positive energy I can find. The best and most authentic awesome people. I hold close to the ones who lift me up and whom I lift up. And that's my rule. That's what I live by.
My standards have been raised. I intend to fiercely protect that because this is a huge life lesson for me. Not matter what your industry. Raise your standards and surround yourself with love and light always.
It's not that you aren't going to interact with negative, jealous, envious, judgmental people? Oh my god, they are everywhere! Every day I still interact with them. But I don't choose to engage. I don't keep them close. I don't spend any more time with them than I have to. I smile and move on.
You may not think you have a choice. My friend, whom you decide to spend your time with in this life is absolutely your choice. I am not saying its easy, but it is always your choice. Set boundaries and raise your standards today. And once you make that decision? Watch what positive and wonderful things begin to emerge.
These are confessions of my life as an actress working on Broadway, TV and Film for 20 years
Copyright 2017 M Patterson